Introvert Indigo

“If you could go back in time 10 years, knowing everything you do now, would you?”

“Is it cheating if you sleep with your partner from a different multiverse?”

“Can a machine become sentient?”

I love these questions, I can think about stuff like this for hours. I’ll visualise a spider diagram in my head that looks like a classic chalk board. Sometimes there’s a flow chart. I’ll go all the way down a rabbit hole, then back to the top, and down another rabbit hole. What’s really fun is asking other people. Some will get really into it and have a full-on discussion. I’ve had my own logic unravelled a few times, which irks the head-strong part of me, but is much needed for an introvert who maybe sometimes hesitates to admit that other people have good ideas too… *humbled*

So, the question is about going back in time. Now, this is a concept that confuses the f*ck out of me and I cannot comprehend stories that have time travel. My brain just can’t. You’ve got the Butterfly Effect, the Grandfather Paradox and the logistics of actually moving across time…

I’ve thought long and hard over this question, many times. I probably will again in the future, but I think I’ve settled, for now, on my answer.

*drumroll*

I would not go back in time 10 years, with the knowledge I have now.

When I think about life, especially times gone by, I’m not thinking about the pinnacle moments or where I reached a conclusion.
I’m thinking about the small parts that all taught me something or added meaning to my life. It really is the journey that counts.

I’m not someone who feels much regret. I’m not a cold, callous b*tch, I’m very thoughtful, emotional and passionate. But, I prefer to lean to the side of reality at the end of the day. My method of dealing with life seems to be “I’ll get over it, I just have to be dramatic first”.

After having numerous rounds of counselling over the years, I’ve learned to dwell less and instead say “okay, next time I’ll do this”, or try to catch myself before I act or speak on an emotion too quickly.

Of course, there are some situations that I would’ve like to have handled differently upon hindsight, and if I’ve upset someone I will apologise and feel bad about it. In those moments, there was a truth that came out and we have to give ourselves credit for doing or giving only what we were capable of at the time.

What I like about these questions is that they show you what is important to you. I’ve caught myself down this rabbit-hole of regret and have come back up for air. I’ve learnt something about myself with this question that was fun to explore.

Now, I’ve just banged on about not having regrets and being real, la la la. Of course I have some regrets… they’re things that go against what matter to me most and I wouldn’t discuss them candidly.

When I think about these things, I feel regret and wonder how things could be different, but I also accept the way they happened. We learn a lot from discomfort.

If I was able to go back 10 years with these regrets in mind, would I change anything? Maybe. Maybe not. After all, I can’t control other peoples choices in response to mine.

If I was to go back in time with what I know now, it wouldn’t be possible to live life exactly the same way, so the Butterfly Effect would kick in and my life would pan out differently. Even if we were able to navigate the Grandfather paradox, and I re-joined the me from the original timeline after the 10 years was done, I think I’d be more confused than ever!

… Introvert Indigo 🌱